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| STABLE EQUILIBRIUM, STACK OF BOOKS ON TABLE EDGE Relating Center of Gravity to Area of Support Photography. Britannica ImageQuest, Encyclopædia Britannica, 25 May 2016. Accessed 6 Jan 2021. |
For the first time since last Spring Break, I was able to sit down and lose myself in a book
Something miraculous happened to me over Winter Break. I found that, for the first time since Spring Break last year, I was able to sit down and lose myself in a book for a couple of hours at a stretch. It was such a relief to feel like my normal reading-self again. When I tell you it’s been a daily struggle, I am not exaggerating. I have had real trouble getting “into” a book. I can’t focus, and a million things pull at my attention. Halfway through a book, even ones that I know are good, I find myself thinking, “I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care”.
The trouble is, I need to read for my job. I need to be able to recommend new books to students and adults in our community. There are books I must read in order to prepare for big events like the Rooster Games and the Battle of the Books. I am also on the Kids’ Read Across Rhode Island and The RI Latino Book Award committees, and both require that I read in order to pick a book or list of books to encourage children around the state to read. When possible, I have turned to audiobooks, because I have found it much easier to listen to these stories. When an audiobook hasn’t been available, I get through the book by requiring myself to read at least 30 pages per day--forcing myself to the finish line.
So what changed over break? I fully disengaged from work.
I am currently listening to the book A Sea in Winter by Christine Day. As the book opens, Maisie’s 7th grade English teacher asks her students to reflect on the word “sanctuary” and write about what it means to them. Maisie writes about the peace she feels when she is in the dance studio. This triggered a deep sadness as I realized that reading has always been my sanctuary, especially during difficult times. As I finished up grad school, I skipped a day of studying for my comprehensive exams to read the book A Portrait in Sepia by Isabel Allende cover-to-cover. During my first year of teaching, the reading I had to do for school was a welcome relief to the lesson planning that took up most of my free time. For the last several months, however, it is something I have actually tried to avoid and have had to force myself to slog through. Reading now creates stress where in the past it would have provided some relief.
I enjoyed the quiet of my home with nothing to do. I finally relaxed.
So what changed over break? I fully disengaged from work. I put away my computer and didn’t check my work email until Sunday evening before school resumed. I stopped reading the news for the first week away. I baked lots of cookies and delivered them to my neighbors. I connected with friends I hadn’t talked to in months. I went snowshoeing and hiking in the woods. I took time to sew and crochet again. I enjoyed the quiet of my home with nothing to do. I finally relaxed.
The night before returning to school after vacation, I usually find myself trying to come up with a plan for how I will incorporate my newly found relaxation into my work life. Never once in my 18 years of teaching have I managed to do so for more than the first day back! This time, I tried to eek out every last second of break. Monday morning I spent a few moments observing the lightly falling snow before diving into the day. I figure this pandemic is going to take as long as it takes. I may not be able to read as a way of reducing stress until the next break, but I am thankful for this most recent return to normality, and I look forward to a time when reading, once again, becomes my sanctuary.